just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
