a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize