Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she told me i tasted like america
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize