i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
