Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
