i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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