guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
