he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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