i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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