Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
