I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
