I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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