You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
