If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
