I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
