My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
