swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
