just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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