fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
