I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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