What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
