Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
