i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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