saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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