never play flip cup with pint glasses
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
