So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
