Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
