Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
