so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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