Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
