So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
