Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
