You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
