So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
