Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
