$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
