so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
