I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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