how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
