You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
