SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
