phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
