You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
