If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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