Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
