I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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