Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
