I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
