Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
