Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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