just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
