this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
