all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize