shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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