I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
