I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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