I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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