were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
