eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
