Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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