You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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