I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
