NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
