I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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