he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
FUCK WHALES
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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