sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
