I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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