I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
