he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
