I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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