If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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