dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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