matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
