after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
