Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
