he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
