I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
