Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
