I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
