Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
