it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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